Saturday, August 28, 2010


I find my energy sapped by the lethargy of life lately, and my novel is suffering as a result of it, i.e., not being worked on at all. Instead I'm getting stoned, chewing clonazepam, playing video games, and smoking. There's a culprit behind it, and then there's another. One is what holds Julian back.

The other is someone unique to me. Because she's real.

So while I stay awake at nights, alone, locked in thought and non-thought, I wonder, does it matter? Do I care? Have I convinced myself of something that isn't true, that's not there? Is she any different than the others? Was she ever?

Bret Easton Ellis asks in Imperial Bedrooms, through his character 'Rainn', "What's the worst thing that ever happened to you?"

The answer, he tells us is (unconditional) love.

Just a short post for now. Two relatives dead of cancer in just over a year. Whiskey is a friendly sort - so is pot.