Saturday, September 10, 2011

To Laura - From Julian

Maybe I thought I really loved you. Maybe I thought I could really be loved. Now I see all the things I wish I had known - that we were always worlds apart, infinite darkness separating our cold light from reaching one another, lost to the void of existence, only left with hollow dreams and nightmares to slowly carve away at the locked doors of our hearts, the keys long since lost to the abyss that was looking into us from the inception of our stark existence. I know how hard you tried to save me from myself, as I struggled in vain to not inhale with my head underwater - I know how hard you tried to believe that I could be the one for you, flawless in all our imperfection, united as one to burn in finite revolution against the magnetic blackness, succumbing only when we could burn no longer, slipping into the darkness, unafraid if only together. I wish I could have lied to you as well as you deserved - you would have seen the sun once before the rogue wave of night I unfurled upon you devoured and sunk all hope.

This is my confession to you - my final lie for your poisoned ears. I'll suture it without the salt that is the truth and the anathema to your Icarus of rising life, a dove released after the flood, fighting until the thunderhead of the sun melts its perfect wax wings.

You were the only petals to brave the terrifying new world that the rest of humanity was smart enough to hide from - the only bloom that could take root after the antediluvian faded and gave us a second chance for me to detonate the core, incinerating us in a halo of blinding light, torn apart by my self-destruction, forever divided, never to join again.