Saturday, May 28, 2011

just white noise...

I pushed myself over the precipice and into my core; in there I found nothing but hollowness and the colour grey. When I managed to scrub it out of my eyes and realize my lies, I knew that the ones I told myself were bullshit and falsifications that lead to my ruination.

Crawling out of my empty self, the shell sat on the shelf for onlookers and a passer-by as I kissed my mind good-bye and tried to die. Nothing happened, and nothing happened, and then nothing happened. And then I realized I was already dead, and had never realized it.

Sitting on this curious, contemptible thought, my stomach wound itself into a knot and I tasted the ash I ate for breakfast in the back of my throat. I found a jerrycan of gasoline and lit the last bridges on fire, and waved goodbye to the people at the other side, leaving the living to lead their lives.

And then there was me and it. And white noise drowning me out and drowning me in.